why i'll stop donating money to people who call me.

A Minirant by a mostly sober charitable fellow that hates being taken for a fool.

Chapter 1: (Fade in, we see the rebel starship being shot at by something revealed later to be an imperial destroy.. [ring ring ring])

They always start the call thanking me for my donation last year. They do it even when i haven't lived in a place for a year. The charity always has a name that's 1 or 2 words different each week "breast cancer relief fund" "research fund" "research foundation" etc. and while i get that many of these organizations might actually exist it seems highly inefficient for all of them to be working independently. That's not a knock on cancer (which, as i understand biology, is not really a thing one could prevent without finding some sort of antimutation fountain). Really its anger that each month its some new topic, i got 4 different law enforcement organizations last month, and next month will probably be 4 different fire fighter groups (or unions if they really feel like threatening me). They always sound aggressive and make you feel bad for not giving them money which you presumably have been doing from years. I keep the stickers from those i have donated to (in addition to the verified organizations i donate to during CFC) next to my phone. Of course they don't take no for an answer, so i clarify to see if they are in fact the organization i've researched a bit and feel comfortable supporting. [Tangent: there are organizations out there that are like 90% overhead and MAYBE 10% of raised funds actually do anything... I'm looking at you BONO "it's an awareness fund" BONOson, i'll link it in the comments]. The more often it happens the more i see the sales tactic, that puts me on the defensive, and saying "well we have your info" doesn't help. I kind of want to know where they got it, the sad truth is probably from whoever sells your email address to spammers. And the biggest reason i won't anymore is that they call ANYTIME, day or night.

You know the only practical way to figure out what happened is to come up with a system where you plant obvious fake info with your trusted organizations. It has to be different for each one so you can find the patient zero for all your 3 am phone calls about the Lonely Congressman Fund. But that's more work, so for now the good charities will lose out, and their vengeance will be to ticket me, watch my home burn, and give me that stuff in microwave popcorn that causes your cells to replicate funky until i'm old enough to receive phone calls from lawyers wanting to profit on my new case of mesotheliombrotic canceryphillis aids. 3.50 per person that's a class settlement i'll answer my phone for.

this minirant brought to you by the FEED THE LIEUTENANTS! fund, helping Lt's break their horrible addiction to Top Ramen and Ketchup since 1904.

(I have a home phone because sometimes I have to be reached within a short period of time to do my job, it's also why i tend to answer even though it's most likely a telemarketer)